If Bernie had gone back
by Inspired-Scribbler1
Summary: My take on what might have happened if Bernie had turned back and went back to speak to Serena at the end of ep S18E51. This story will have M rated chapters. This is my first fanfic so still finding my way around. Reviews welcome.
1. Chapter 1

_'You stupid, stupid, coward!"_ Bernie sat banging her head against the steering wheel. The frustration visible as her emotions were on the brink of imploding on themselves! How could she have done this again? Done what she has always done and run? Resigning herself to the coward she really was, she put the car gears into reverse and started to drive out of her parking space, and quickly out of the hospital car park. Bernie didn't get far before the overwhelming sense of loss and guilt began to consume her, like fog engulfing her all around, she couldn't catch her breath, her heart felt as if it was banging off the wall of her chest. She had convinced herself she was going to give Serena space, that she hadn't wanted to hurt her because she cared about her, but now all she could think about was the heartbreak she had seen written all over the brunettes face as she had told her to STOP and walked in fact had ran out of the department. All she could hear in her head over and over was the pleading tone of the surgeon, the fear, the physically crushing feeling on her voice. Bernie thought she might be sick as the magnitude of what she had done continued to fit her over and over.

She pulled over at the side of the road, trying to get control of her emotions, taking controlled breaths, in through her nose out through her mouth. Bernie was reminded of Serena's earlier conversation about a patient they had treated together. She could hear Serena's voice in her head " _it's their gamble, If they think there is even the slightest chance of happiness, then it doesn't matter what others think."_ This was what she wanted, she wanted Serena in her life, but with so many buts, how could she take the chance, there was no plan B if this went pear shaped but she couldn't let this chance pass her by, she knew the emotional rollercoaster Serena had gone through in the past few weeks, since their original kiss and if she was honest she had been through too, It had been different with Alex, it was heated and urgent, but this felt altogether different. She couldn't run, not anymore, when the women she respected and admired with so much passion was willing to risk it all to try. Berne took a deep breath. She could do this. Starting the ignition, she did a three point turn and headed back to the hospital.

As she pulled into the car park, Bernie began to wonder whether Serena would even still be here. After all she had caused a scene in front of their colleagues already today. She wouldn't have blamed her if she'd left as soon as she could. But she knew there is no backing out now, she had already run once today, she couldn't do it again. It meant too much, she meant too much. Bernie quickly jumped out the car, barley caring whether she had locked the door, she ran towards the lifts, hoping the increased effort of running would help her deal with her nerves. Pressing the call button on the lift she eagerly looked at the display, the lift was still on the 5th floor. Needing to keep the momentum of her plan, she was too inpatient to wait on the lifts arrival so she ran towards the stairs. Reaching the top of the stairs, she briefly stood bent over, hands on her thighs to regain her breath, the impact of her recent surgery clearly impacting on her overall fitness. Bernie took a deep breath, using her ID badge to unlock the doors to AAU before entered the ward. Raf and a few nurses looked up and acknowledged her presence, she could see the concern on Rafs face as he watched her walk quickly and with purpose towards her shared office. Glancing through the window in the door, she could see Serena, sitting head in hands at her desk, the guilt of knowing she had caused this situation pulled at her heart. Everything within her wanted to scoop the women up in her arms and hold her forever.

Slowly she opened the office door and tentatively walked in, closing the door gently behind her. Serena looked up from her hands, at the women standing at the door, her eyes stained red from the tears. The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence, as they both stared at one another, each willing the other to speak. Bernie stood frozen to the spot, she knew it had to be her, after all she was the one who ran, looking down at the floor she quietly, almost unsure of her words " Serna - I, - I was wrong to leave like that - I am a coward, can we talk?" Serna continued to sit in silence as she stared at the women who had already broken her heart today. Bernie looked up, closing the space between herself and Serena, and crouching down beside her. _"Please Serena - I know I don't deserve you to even listen to me - but I."_ she stumbled over her words _"I - I need you._ " Serena looked into the blonde surgeons eyes as she finally spoke, "Okay, but not here. I think you have created enough gossip on the ward for one day" Bernie nodded, breaking the eye contact, she looked at the floor, a reaction, Serena knew from past experience was a expression of guilt " _How about my place? We were planning to have dinner their tonight, before I messed this all up"_ Serena nodded in agreement _"Fine, lets go there"_ She stood up from her chair and picked up her bag and coat. Bernie glanced over at the women she had hurt so much today, she could see that now, sighing silently she forced a smile as both women walked silently out of the office and towards the ward doors without acknowledging anyone that they passed.

As they reached the car park, Serena was cursing her decision to walk to work this morning, owing to her hangover headache that had taken forever to shift. She knew Bernie had known this, they had discussed it briefly in the lift this morning, after Bernie had dropped Hassan's bombshell. The journey to Bernie's flat was frightfully quiet, Bernie could feel the anxiety rush around her head as she searched for the words to express the regret she felt. Serena all the while sitting watching her, waiting, willing her, to open up. As they pulled into the space beside Bernie's rental property, Bernie reached over and laid a hand over Serena's, Serena for the first time smiled as she felt the gentleness of the other women's touch on her own.

 _"Shall we go inside?"_ Bernie questioned, needing to ask permission. _"Lets"_ Serena replied, knowing how hard Bernie was finding this whole experience. The two women made their way into the house, shaking off the autumn cold air that hit them as they stepped outside of the car.


	2. Chapter 2

As both women, entered the heat of the house, Bernie dropped her bag on the floor, and tossed her keys towards they table beside the coat rack. Serena followed Bernie into the living area, choosing to sit down first on sofa by the door, placing her own handbag at her feet. Bernie sat down beside her and out her head in her hands, trying desperately to find the words, the right words to explain. Serena found her voice first, "was it my fault - did I overcomplicate it? – by - well by mentioning love?" Bernie took her head out her hands but continued to focus on the floor in front of her "No it's me Serena. - I cant deal with my own feelings. I run - I always run. Look at my marriage, I ran to the army. My relationship with Alex, only worked within the bubble of a warzone. I can't manage serious relationships. I hurt everyone I come into contact with – What - What if I hurt you?" Serena was continuing to realise just how difficult Bernie found her emotions and struggled to deal with them. She turned towards the women she had fallen for speaking calmly and gently "Look at me Bernie." Serena cupped Bernie's face with her left hand so she could look her in the eyes "I am old enough to know when to take a risk, and it is you I want. I know maybe, well I was too forward with you earlier, assuming maybe wrongly that you were in love with me too - so early in this relationship - if we can even call it that." Bernie gazed back at Serena longingly, how could this women speak so fluidly about her feelings "I'm scared Serena, I want you so much to be in my life - the prospect of a day without you – well it kills me inside - But I don't want to hurt you, - I can't hurt you. - And look at today - I already am hurting you and we aren't even officially in a relationship" Serena could see the tears forming in Bernie's eyes as she tries to convey her feelings. Bernie reaches out seeking contact, taking hold of Serena's hands on her lap, "What If I break us? - our friendship? - what if I really do mess this up and I loose you all together?" Serena sighed slightly as she contemplated how vulnerable Bernie appeared in front of her, she had seen it briefly in the theatre after Fletch's surgery, but Bernie appeared even more vulnerable in front of her now "you wont." She wanted to hold her and tell her she could make it better but she knew that may make everything even more complicated when it still wasn't clear if she would leave.

"I think we need a drink Major Wolfe" Serena announced boldly, getting up and walking into the kitchen. Serena opened a number of cupboards before shouting through to the other room "Where do you keep your wine glasses?" Bernie walked into the Kitchen, just as Serena was finishing her sentence, retrieving the glasses out a cupboard Serena hadn't tried, placing them on the kitchen table. Serena opens a bottle of shiraz that was sitting on the side, pouring some of the rich smooth plum coloured liquid into each glass. Handing one glass to Bernie, they both sit down at the kitchen table. Bernie sat circling the rim of her glass with her thumb staring down at the wine as if inspecting with the due care she would when disarming a bomb. "I want to stay Serena - I don't think I can go for three months without you – I realised as soon as I started driving – that – well, that – you are what I want. Well that's if – If you will still have this coward of women?" Serena smiled taking a mouthful of wine. "How could I say no, you know that I don't want you to go" Bernie looked up at Serena, uncertain in how to respond, leaning forward, to close the gap, she lend her head against Serena's "I am falling for you Serena" Serena instinctively closed the space between their lips gently kissing Bernie. Serena knew that as Bernie held her hands tightly, as if she thought she might run, that she needed to be the strong one. She increased the pressure in her kiss, communicating through touch that she was not going anywhere. Breaking away gently from the kiss to wet her dry mouth with some more wine. She smiled at the blonde women in front of her, reassuring her it was all going to be ok. She knew she wanted, no, needed to stay with the women she herself had fallen for months ago. As Bernie took the last sip of wine out her glass, Serena stood up from the chair and walked behind Bernie's, bending slightly to almost touch her ear with her lips, she quietly almost in a whisper asked whether she could stay the night.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is M rated, and longer than the last two, I'd welcome reviews (what do you like and what do you not so like), since I'm still developing where the story is going, my writing style and formatting. I have stopped putting speech in bold so hopefully that may make it more enjoyable to read. Hope you enjoy. Chapter 4 will be a follow on.

 **Chapter 3**

Serena is glad she convinced Bernie to order takeaway as it had allowed them to talk in a more relaxed manner over Chinese food, and thankfully lined her stomach for the next two bottles of shiraz they had steadily consumed. Gradually they had both become more sleepy, the emotions of the day clearly mixing with the wine and making them drowsy.

"I think I need to go to bed," Bernie murmured as she finished her latest glass of wine.

Serena acknowledged Bernie's statement mid yawn, with a smile, "I think that may be a wise move Major."

Serena stood and took her glass to the sink, placing it in the basin "If you pass me your glass Bernie, I'll give these a quick wash before heading upstairs. Bernie passed her glass to Serena, standing awkwardly behind, her deciding whether to interrupt and offer to do them herself. Before she had been able to process a sensible statement Serena had turned around, drying her hands on the teacloth. As both women headed upstairs towards the one bedroom Bernie nervously asked "Would you prefer if I slept on the sofa Serena?" suddenly realising the events of the day may not be the best basis to share a bed with the women she loves. "Oh I think we are sensible enough to share the bed platonically, don't you Major Wolfe?" "Only if you are sure?" Bernie responded as they reached the bedroom and walked inside. "Would you mind terribly if I borrowed something to sleep in?" Serena remembering she had not planned to stay over and had no belongings with her. "Of course not, second drawer down, help yourself" Bernie motioning towards the dresser.

Bernie began to undress, throwing her black shirt and jeans over the chair in the corner before replacing it with white vest top, she then quickly slipped into bed. Serena had frozen, she had been gazing at the other women's body; feeling an appreciation for the toned beauty that was in front of her, an appreciation that was now building the desire from within her. She herself removed her clothes and replaced them with a t-shirt she had taken out the top of the drawer Bernie had highlighted before slowly getting into the other side of the bed, hesitating slightly as she did so.

Bernie was lying looking at the celling, she had been doing her best to look like she wasn't watching Serena get changed but she couldn't keep her eyes away. She had imagined this so many times before, what it would be like to see this women undress in her bedroom and it was finally happening. She was trying to control her imagination taking over again like it normally would when she was thinking of Serena in bed. She needed to control her sexual thoughts. They both continued to lie side by side in the bed, neither making a sound, each second guessing what the other was thinking. Bernie moved her hand slowly and apprehensively to meet Serena's, gently placing it next to it, the edge of their hands barley touching. Serena smiled as the tiniest touch of Bernie's finger against her own. She responded by moved her pinkey to interlink with Bernie's. "I'm so sorry Serena - for today I mean." Bernie whispered quietly into the silence of the room. "Friends?" she questioned louder than before, wanting, needing the reassurance from Serena. "Bernie, you are more than friends to me, and you know that" Serena moved her hand so she could grasp Bernie's full hand more firmly. They lay there again in silence, as Serena gently caressed Bernie's hand with her thumb. Bernie sighed as she realised the effect even this gentle and continual contact was having on her body. She rolled onto her side so she could look at Serena, "I need you Serna," using her right hand to cup Serena's cheekbone. "I need you to know the effect you are having on me, I want to trust you with my feelings, all of them". Serena replied as she looked into Bernie's eyes, wanting, willing, her to close the gap between them. "I need you too Bernie"

Bernie tentatively closed the gap kissing Serena softly on the lips, Serena responded with more pressure, raising her head and interweaving her fingers in the blonde's hair, oh how she loved her hair. The kiss became more passionate, as Bernie let flow of moans leave her mouth. The sound, of Bernie's moans set Serena's core on fire. The desire within her was rising, she needed to feel Bernie's hands lower than her neck, she pulls slightly out of the kiss breathless, resting her forehead against Bernie's, their noses crossing paths "Sorry, I – I." "Don't apologise" Bernie searching her eyes trying to understand what she wants, what she needs in that very moment. "I need - well I just – er - can you…" Serena closes the gap again kissing Bernie with more passion than she has ever done before, willing herself on to say what she needs, stopping again, "Can you please – I - well I - I need to feel your touch" breathless, and frustrated, she knows she still isn't being as clear as she wants to be. Bernie looks at her with love and desire, how she has fantasied about this over the last few weeks, how often she has woken up during the night longing for the women she has dreamt about. Closing the gap again, turning Serna's body onto her side and looks into her beautiful brown eyes "Are you sure you want this?" Hesitating until she sees the brunette nod. Connecting with her lips again, kissing her slowly and lovingly, Bernie slowly and nervously moves her hands down the surgeon, so she could slip her hand under the trim of the borrowed t-shirt. Serena gasps into the Bernie's mouth as she feels her warm hand against her back, griping the back of her head as she again strengthens the embrace between them.

Bernie attentively explores Serena's skin, pushing the t-shirt up in the process. Serena lifted her arms as the rumpled material reached her breasts to allow Bernie to lift it over her head. Bernie gently lay Serena back onto her back as she moves her kiss from Serena's mouth trailing the kisses down to her neck, Serena's body responding to every sensation, her back arching and moans exiting her mouth as the wet trail of Bernie's mouth continues to explore her. Bernie slowly continued her trail of kisses with her mouth along Serena shoulder, lowering her bra strap with her hand as she does so, turning her attention back to Serena's mouth she makes eye contact as she does so, allowing space for Serena to back away if she wasn't confortable. Slowly she did the same on the other side of Serna's neck and down over her shoulder. Serena responding by arching the top of her torso so Bernie could reach under her and undo her bra and remove it without stopping the trail of pleasure she was inflicting on her. Bernie wastes no time in exploring the newly realised breasts in front of her. Gently she cups Serena's breasts, and gently using her thumbs and then her tongue to stimulate her, taking pleasure in the loader moans coming from the the brunettes mouth, she glances up to make eye contact with Serena, noting as she does that Serena has been watching her explore her body. "You are beautiful Serena, your skin, your breasts, your eyes" lifting her head to kiss her on the lips. Serena blushes at the expression towards her, almost embarrassed at the pleasure she is finding in the whole experience. Bernie reading her mind strengthens her kiss with a moan of pleasure to affirm how attractive she finds Serena's body.

Bernie continued to explore Serena's body with her hands whilst continuing to be consumed by the passion of Serena's kiss, how could this women have such a skill in kissing, this was so much more intense than it had ever been with her husband or Alex. Tentatively she lowered her hand, first exploring each of Serena's perfect breasts again in turn, and then down past her ribs to her stomach, she could feel Serena react to her hand exploring her stomach, Bernie smiled into the kiss, trying to make the other women feel at ease, holding her hand there just long enough to let Serena take another breath before trailing the line of the surgeons underwear, again Bernie slowed her movement and pulled out of the kiss, looking Serena in the eyes to try and read her expression "Are you ok? Just say if you want me to stop?" Bernie biting her lip as she waited on a response. Serena lent towards Bernie catching her nose against hers as she hungrily kissed the women back. Bernie still feeling unsure Serena felt confortable with anything else moved her hand back up the women's abdomen and to her breasts. Serena let out a groan that said more than she had been brave enough to communicate verbally, that her need and desire for Bernie had continued to increase, she needed the army medic to continue down her body. Serena for the first time took her hands away from Bernie's hair and nervously put her hand above Bernie's, trembling with nerves; she guided it back down over her abdomen to top of her underwear. "You sure?" Bernie questioned, Serena nodded, almost to scared to speak knowing how shaky her words would be.

Bernie gently moved her hand on top of the material at first, stroking lightly over are core, moving her hands over the women's thighs and her inner leg she could barely contain her own pleasure as she felt the heat coming from Serena. Serena moaned louder as Bernie slowly moved her hand back up over her thigh and began pulling her underwear down. Lifting her hips to allow Bernie to expose her core, Serena kissed Bernie deeply, before letting her pull away as she moved her legs to get rid herself of the material. Bernie gasped as she finally ran her finger lightly in the folds of the other women. She couldn't believe how aroused Serena was. Serena inhaled sharply as Bernie ran her finger gently over her clit feeling the jolt of pleasure it released through her body. A sound not missed by Bernie as she gently continued to kiss the women as she moved her fingers up and down along the fold of the women's core, circling her clit each time. Without taking her eyes away from Serena's she began to impress more pressure into her movements, Serena responding by moaning into her mouth loudly, as her breathing began to increase, the rhythmic pattern was building the pleasure inside Serena as she responded by kissing Bernie more frantically. Bernie could see the women was close to the edge, so slowly pushed a finger deep inside her. Serena groaned as she bit gently on Bernie's lip.

Bernie smiled into the kiss, before starting the new rhythm of moving one and then two finger slowly in and out of Serena's core, pressing on her clit with her thumb. Serena began to match the movements with thrusts of her hips as Bernie could feel the muscles within her begin to tense more and more before; Serena came loudly and violently against her hand. Her breathing laboured as she shuddered over the edge. Bernie watched the women's face, her head flown back at the point of release, eyes shut, and mouth open and dry. She continued to move her fingers slowly inside Serena, very gently, not wanting to stop this feeling. Serena opened her eyes and looked at Bernie, barely able to speak as she gazed at the women that had just made her orgasm more powerfully than a man had ever managed. "Major, you really know how to…" But before she could find the words to finish expressing how she was feeling she could feel the pressure building in her again, as Bernie had continued to move her fingers gently over her G spot whilst looking at her deep in her eyes. Bernie bite her lip, as again she watched Serena enter the bubble of orgasm, her body shaking from pleasure, this time managing to verbalise "Bernie" between the moans and gasps. Bernie smiled with a look of accomplishment, knowing the pleasure she had just given to the women she loved.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Serena lay securely wrapped in Bernie's arms, trying to master the energy to return the passionate experience she had just been gifted by Bernie. She couldn't however shack the nerves she had, where would she start, how could she make this pleasurable for Bernie? Bernie as if reading her worry in her mind, kissed the top of her forehead and looked down at her. "What's worrying you?" Serena looking down Bernie's toned body, "I want to pleasure you Bernie, but… well" Trying to hide the blushes that were quickly appearing in her cheeks "I don't know how?" Serna continued to look Bernie up and down, keeping her eyes away from Bernie's face, "What if I hurt you, or worse what If I'm not enough? What If I can't help you get the release I know, and god do I know, you desperately need?" The edges of Bernie's mouth moving into the start of a small smile, "Serena Campbell, I have no doubt in my mind that you will be able to satisfy me, you forget I have seen the skill you have working with your hands in the theatre and I also know how a simple touch on my shoulder can send ripples through me." Serena smiled at Bernie's words, how did this women know how to make her smile even in the mist of her anxiety. Serena lifted her hands to cup Bernie's face as she initiated a passionate kiss, expressing her thanks for the reassurance. Using the weight of the kiss she pressed her body against Bernie's causing the blonde to shift onto her back. Serena moving swiftly to remove Bernie's vest top, clumsily as her hands shook. Bernie using the moment after the top went over face to lean in and add pressure to Serena's lips, gently biting Serena's bottom lip as she pulled away. "Don't be nervous, darling, I've been imagining this moment for weeks, but it is so much more arousing than I imagined." Serena ran her hands over Bernie's breasts following the line of her bra around to her back to unclasp it and remove it. Serna glanced down at the blondes toned stomach and now free breasts "My, my major, you are far more beautiful close up", lowering her mouth to the nearest nipple, licking and sucking it, whilst massaging it with her fingers. Bernie's body, moved in time with the moans exiting her mouth. Serena trailed the surgeon's recent scars, taking care to insure each part of her torso was gently inspected and came in contact with her lips. Bernie could feel the aching heat between her legs. Catching Serna's eye contact she communicated her desire and need for the women to move her hands lower.

Serena moved her lips back up to Bernie's, embracing her, breathless from a mix of her passion and nerves. Separating she lent her forehead against Bernie's. "Show me what to do – what you want". Bernie gently cupped Serna left hand under hers, guiding it slowly back down her torso, stopping briefly at her right breast to let Serena squeeze over it with the palm of her hand. Travelling further down over Bernie's abdomen, Serena held her breath, as her hand, was guided by Bernie's over the top of the blondes underwear, her eyes widened, gasping as she felt Bernie's arousal seeping damply through her underwear. Without taking their eyes away from one another, Bernie guided Serena's hand to move her underwear to the side to allow her to come into contact with her hot arousal. Serena and Bernie moaned in unison as Serena's fingers made contact. "Bernie, you are so aroused." Serena lent in to kiss Bernie, their tongues dancing together. Bernie managing to speak between her ever-increasing breathing, "It's is all down to you Serena." Serena moving her fingers away from Bernie's core, as the women in front of her eyes sighed from utter frustration. "Don't worry, I'm not stopping," Serna said in a low husky voice. Serena keeping Bernie's hand attached to hers through interlocked fingers, she slipped it under the band of Bernie's underwear, using her free hand to help slip them down the blondes legs. Bernie shuffled her legs to rid herself of the damp material.

Serena taking more control circled Bernie's clit as the blonde continues to moan loudly, needing more contact she guides Serena's hand lower willing her to push her fingers inside her. Serena tentatively pushed two fingers into the army medic, deep and wrapped in the warmth of her inner core. Bernie holding her hand above Serena's letting her know, she wanted them to stay inside her. Serena moans at the warmth around her fingers, realising how aroused she now becoming herself. Slowly she starts to move within her lover. Still maintaining eye contact as she does so. She can feel the surgeons muscles tensing as she moves her fingers, she recognises the tightness and flexing from when she has pleasured herself, she can see in Bernie's eyes, she is close to realise. Bernie's mouth dry and open as she continues to moan and gasp "I'm so close Serena, You are causing me to loose control" Bernie's breathing became faster as she tried desperately to hold onto the control, but she was past the point of return, moaning loudly murmuring incoherently "Serena!" as she let the release come, her muscles sspasuming around Serena's fingers" Bernie pushed her head back, holding Serena's hand in place between her legs as her pleasure trickled gently over Serena hand.

Slowly regaining some control Bernie moved her hand allowing Serena to remove her fingers for their warm surrounding, cupping Serena's face she spoke quietly but firmly to her " You are amazing Serena, How you could doubt your abilities, I'll never know." Bernie lent in and kissed her firmly. Serena smiled as she pulled her lips away, settling down between Bernie's arms to drift to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Serena awoke as the sunlight beamed into the room, how comfortably she had slept, cocooned in Bernie's arms, which were still closed tightly around her. Bernie beginning to move beside her "Morning, what time is it?" Serena squinting her eyes in the light to see the clock on the wall, "8am." "Do we have to get up?" Bernie questioned whilst moving one of her arms to rub the sleep out her eyes, whilst tightening her hold of Serena with the other. "Well, I think that we need to pay a visit to Hansson, Ms Wolfe, so yes we do need to get up." Bernie groaned loudly as she untangled her arms from Serena, remembering the long detailed conversation that had followed her admission that she hadn't wanted to go Ukraine. "Okay, I'm getting up" moving slowly towards the bathroom to shower. Serena used the time to nip downstairs and make each of them a cup of coffee. As she re-entered the bedroom, Bernie exited the en-suite, smiling at Serena, she walked across the room to retrieve her clothes "We didn't do a very good job at sleeping in the same bed platonically last night did we" stopping to pick up last night's discarded clothes of the floor. Serena laughed as if she'd always known it would end that way. "I don't think I'm going to have time to go home before we go to work you know?, if we want to catch Hansson before the ward round. Can I use your shower Bern?" Bernie rubbed her hair with a towel with one hand and searching through her top drawer as she spoke "You don't need to ask, of course you can" Bernie answered quickly, hoping she had left enough hot water for Serena. "Heads up, here's some clean underwear for you" throwing a pair of her own at Serena's head as she reached the bathroom door.

As Bernie turned off the ignition, she looked to Serena for reassurance... "Am I doing the right thing?" Serena sighing slightly "Well of course, I'd rather you didn't go, but you made a commitment and we can only hope Hansson if willing to listen to our proposal" leaning forward and placing a small kiss on the surgeons lips.

Around half an hour later the two women exited Hansson office, hugging each other tightly once the door was completely shut. A win of sorts for them but still tainted with knowledge they would still be forced apart for a short time. Serena had used all her knowledge of Hansson and Holby politics alongside Bernie's leadership knowledge in Trauma, to convince him that Bernie should only go to Ukraine for 6 weeks as a basis to initially start the service and train a local consultant and then she would visit a further twice (this time with Serena) at the 2 month mark and again at the 3 month mark to iron out any difficulties, allowing her to continue to develop the Trauma service at Holby at the same time.

It still meant time away from Serena, but Bernie was happy as it was a more manageable prospect. "Drinks tonight? - to celebrate a small win" Bernie suggested was they walked into AAU. "If you are buying, I could be persuaded to have a shiraz or two" Serena winked as she turned to open their office door.

What a day - The red phone signalling incoming trauma patients had rang almost hourly as the two surgeons utilised their skills both together and separately to deal with the flow of patients. Serena eventually taking a well needed seat at the nurses station after a particularly stressful surgery, which had exposed bleed after bleed the more she had explored. She was thankful for the support of Raf in managing to control the bleeding and the patient now safely in recovery.

Glancing down at the notes she was trying to write in front of her, Serena could feel the events of the day starting to tire her, It must surely be wine o'clock already. "I know what your thinking" Bernie leans over Serena's shoulder. "Do you now Ms Wolfe" Serena returns smiling. Bernie stretching over Serena to pick up a patients notes, "I just have one set of notes to do and then, I'm finished and we can get you your well deserved Shiraz". "5 mins and I'll be done." Serena says as she walks into their office to pack her stuff and get changed out of the scrubs she had been wearing for most of the day.

Just as she was packing her diary into her bag whilst insuring she also had no missed calls from Jason, Bernie walked in, dumping a folder down on her desk. "You all set?" Serena closed her bag and walked towards the door "Yes Major, all set" As the two women strolled along the corridor, Bernie lent in closely to Serena ear and in a low husky voice murmured "I've been thinking about you wearing my underwear all day and it's making me so hot and wet." "Not as hot, as it's making me when I think about the possibility of you removing them later." Serena said quietly, gripping onto Bernie's hand as they quickened their step in unison towards Albies.


	6. Chapter 6

This chapter is **M** Rated! Do not read if you aren't into that kind of thing.

Im still working on formatting re presenting text messages in this chapter and advice and comments welcome.

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

This day had come around too fast, It was Sunday morning, and Bernie was leaving for Ukraine. It had been a hectic week, with barely any time to discover as much as they would have liked about one another; work taking up the main part of the day and then preparation for the newly agreed Ukraine plan taking up many more hours. Serena thankful for Jason being away, allowing at least the latter to be done on the sofa with Bernie and a bottle or two of Shiraz.

"We will be fine Serena, It's only 6 weeks after all, and we can talk on the phone. I'll be back before you know it." Bernie wasn't sure if she was trying to reassure Serena, or convince herself that it would be ok.

Serena was holding highly onto Bernie's had, struggling to find the courage to let her go, however one glance at her watch hold her she had to otherwise Bernie would miss her flight, knowing she had to be the strong one. "Promise me Bern, that you'll keep communicating with me" Her eyes searching the army medic, trying to read her soul.

"I will" Bernie responding quietly, all to aware, how her lack of communication had nearly cost her the women in front of her. "Now, give me a kiss to remember you."

Serena closed the space between them embracing Bernie firmly and with passion. Pulling away her lips felt like loosing part of herself. "Now go, before you miss the flight"

"Don't tempt me" came the reply as Bernie untangled her fingers from Serena's and stepping onto the escalator towards security. Turning her head back down towards the surgeon all to aware that her eyes were filled with tears.

Serena spent the day distracting herself as best she could, Her house had never looked so clean, however she couldn't bring herself to change the bed, the sweet smell of Bernie remained within the sheets. Serena sat down and smelt the pillow, hugging it tightly, she let out a sigh, the weight of the situation taking over, Bernie wouldn't even have reached her hotel yet and already she missed her. Curling up on the bed she drifted between sleep and reality, restless throughout.

Snapping back into reality by the sound of Jason nocking on the bedroom door. "Auntie Serena, I'm home." Serena took a breath and unwrapped her arms from the pillow. "I'll be there in a minute Jason" realising that it was dinner time and Jason would be expecting his usual Sunday night steak pie.

The evening was dragging, after dinner Jason had settled down for his usual routine of documentaries and Serena was barely even listening to him detail specific details of foreign animals, when her phone beeped. Serena glanced down at her mobile as she lifted it towards her. Bernie name popped up.

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _Hey Serena,_

 _Arrived safely, hotel lovely (would be better with you here though), there is even a pool._

 _Missing you_

 _B xx"_

Serena smiled at her screen, god she loved this women. Hitting reply, she typed her response.

 ** _Serena:_**

 _"_ _Glad you have arrived safely, missing you more than_

 _y_ _ou know. You have an early start tomorrow,_

 _so go to sleep!_

 _LY xx"_

Serena typed the last line in varying forms, settling on LY as she felt actually seeing love you written may scare Bernie. Bernie's response was almost instant.

 **Bernie:**

"Sleep well.

LY2.

B xx"

Serena taking this as a queue to head to bed herself nudged Jason along to do the same. Switching off the TV and lights as they left the living room. Serena said goodnight to Jason as he reached his bedroom, reminding him not to stay up late playing his computer games, she walked slowly back to her bedroom.

When safely wrapped up in her duvet she reached for the pillow, inhaling Bernie's smell as she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

The first week apart had gone quite quickly, helped by the busyness of AAU following a range of trauma patients that had come through the doors and the fact they were missing a surgeon from the team. Serena had barely any time to sit in her office, and if she was honest she was avoiding it as much as she could. Everything in their reminded her of Bernie and it made her miss her more. But she knew she couldn't avoid it any longer, she had to take Bernie's telephone call at 3pm to update her on the progress so far to give Serena time to prepare for future visits. She was nervous though, she hadn't heard her voice since they parted on Sunday morning, having only spoken to Bernie by text since them.

Serena quickly picked up a coffee from Pulses and briefed Raf not to interrupt her unless it was an emergency, before tentatively walking into her office and closing the door. The phone started ringing before she had even sat down.

"Hello, Serena Campbell speaking" Serena answered on autopilot.

"Well hello there" came the response.

 _Oh god her voice, how I've missed that Serena stomach fluttering. Pull yourself together Campbell this is work related, she scorned herself for the imagination her brain was doing._

"How has your week been Bernie?, tell me everything" Serena forcing herself to focus on the conversation. They both spoke for over an hour, most of which was unnecessary but neither feeling able to hang up. Serna had heard about Bernie's work, the team and also the daily trauma she had been working to save. Serena choosing to share similar information about Holby although she would much rather she had been listening to Bernies voice rather than her own. Both agreeing on relevant reading they would do with regard to the project and review the following week as agreed. Eventually Bernie had mentioned how hungry she was and Serena felt since she was 3 hours ahead she couldn't keep her from her dinner any longer.

"It's been so good to hear your voice Bernie, oh I meant it's good to hear from you" Serena scolding herself for being unprofessional.

Bernie more deliberate in her response this time "It's been good to hear your voice too Serena, I miss you."

"I miss you too" Serena whispered into the phone, almost scared the ward would here.

"Goodbye Ms Campbell"

"Goodbye Ms Wolfe"

Bernie placed her mobile down on the desk in her hotel room, trying to ignore both her hunger and the heat the sound of Serena's voice had caused between her legs. Finally settling on a quick shower and then grabbing some take out as a suitable solution. Bernie attempted to distract herself be perusing the local take out menus she had picked up during a walk earlier in the week.

Feeling full from the chinese food she had just finished, Bernie turned on the TV looking for a programme to distract her further but all she was able to find was quiz show after quiz show as she flicked through the channels which reminded her of Jason and in turn Serena. Giving up she turned the TV off and plugged her ipod into the speaker system, flicking through the various playlists her eyes are drawn to one she does not recognise. "Songs that remind me of you" Bernie smiles as she realises this must be Serena's work, she wonders when she ever had time to do this before she came out to Ukraine. Pressing play she sits and listens to the songs on the list. Reaching for her mobile she opens a new text message.

 **Bernie:**

"I've no idea how you managed to upload this

 _playlist_ _without me noticing, but it's amazing xx"_

Serena has just finished dinner when she notices the text. Jason has just left, away to a friends for the weekend and she has just poured her fourth glass of shiraz.

She has been feeling tense all week but to emotional drained from the loss to attempt to do anything about it and the impact of hearing Bernie's voice earlier has only added to her sexual arousal. Taking her wine upstairs she decided to be bold and text Bernie back.

 ** _Serena:_**

 _"_ _Well now you know what I'm listening to whilst I_

 _fantasise about you x"_

Swallowing her nerves along with a sip of red wine.

Bernie was surprised with the reply, she hadn't thought Serena would be the type to engage in dirty texting, but she was more than happy to go along with this.

 **Bernie:**

"What exactly are you imagining in these fantasies

of yours Ms Campbell? x"

 **Serena:**

"Well that would be telling wouldn't it. ;) x"

Bernie smiled as she read the text, she could hear Serena's voice communicate the words in her head, She loved when she teased her.

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _Well if you don't tell me, how will I be_

 _able to make them a reality on my return?_

 _And god you don't know how much I want_

 _to pleasure you when I return X"_

Serena could feel the heat rushing from her flushed face to her groin, this women had so much power over her arousal and she really didn't think she knew it.

 **Serena:**

 _"Well the latest one involves you and me…_

 _the shower… and a lot of soap…_

 _xx"_

Serena recounting the fantasy she had this morning in the shower that had almost made her late for work.

Bernie noted the word "latest", she has had more than one fantasy about her. How did she want to play this from now, she was so aroused and needed release herself and the picture now entering her head of Serena and her in the shower, shit that was a hot thought.

 **Bernie:**

"You are making me VERY wet

Ms Campbell,

I hope you realise this! X"

Serena gulped, Bernie had stepped this text conversation up a gear. She could feel the her hand reaching down her trousers needing to feel her own warmth on her fingers.

 ** _Serena:_**

 _"Tell me what you plan to do about_

 _your arousal Ms Wolfe? X"_

Bernie bit her bottom lip as she typed her reply, one finger circling her clitrous.

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _I am touching myself as I think of you Serena,_

 _I have my hand down my pants, I_

 _'_ _m circling my clit with one finger. X"_

 ** _Serena:_**

 _"_ _What are you wearing?"_

 ** _Bernie:_**

"I'm currently lying on my bed with my black

shirt unbuttoned, my black lacy bra on show

and black lacy and now very wet panties x"

 **Serena:**

"Shit, that's hot, I can picture you now, tell me more… x"

Bernie egar to please the women she was falling for continued her texts

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _I'm now stroking around my lips,_

 _I'm so wet. X"_

 **Serena:**

"Maybe you need to put a finger inside yourself? X"

Serena was shocked at her bluntness as she sent this text, she was unsure where this side of her had come from but she was defiantly enjoying it. She herself was mimicking Bernie's description on herself.

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _I am doing as you said, im moving one_

 _f_ _inger in and out of me. I think I_

 _need more x"_

 ** _Serena:_**

 _"_ _Add another, use your thumb on you clit x"_

Serena's texts where getting shorter and more to the point, she was beginning to struggle to form the sentences as her own desire was building.

 **Bernie:**

"Fuck that is good, even on different

continents you know how to please me. X"

Serena could feel herself getting close to realese and she knew she needed to make it clear.

 ** _Serena:_**

 _"_ _Bernie, I'm so close to finishing!_

 _Keep telling me what you are doing! X"_

This spurred Bernie into sending more texts, frantically with one hand as she continued the assault on herself

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _Im speeding up, Im close too. X"_

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _I am imagining you here watching me whilst I finger myself"_

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _Im using my fingers to hit my G spot, Im rubbing it over and over, whilst my thumb continues to hit of my clit._

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _Shit Serena, Im ready to cum!"_

 _ **Bernie** :_

 _"_ _FUCK Serena!"_

Then there was silence, Serena continued her own experience, letting go moments after Bernie's last text, breathless and limp she could barely pick up the phone to reply.

 ** _Serena:_**

 _"_ _YES Bernie YES"_

It was all she could manage as she lay on the bed, thankful that the release had finally come. Bernie finally managing to regain control picked up her phone to reply.

 ** _Bernie:_**

 _"_ _God I miss you Serena,_

 _I would give anything to have you_

 _wrapped in my arms right now x"_

Serena winced as she remembered the distance between them.

 ** _Serena:_**

 _"_ _Me too darling, me too x"_


	7. Chapter 7

The days that followed their elusive text conversation were filled with a mix of longing and desire, each women wanting more, but neither brave enough to ask for it. The two women were continuing to exchange texts (sometimes of a sexual nature) daily, and spoke on the phone regarding work related things, but neither of them mentioning the elephant in the room. That is until Serena had the day from hell. It had started like any other day, she had gotten up, got herself ready and eaten breakfast with Jason before driving them both to work.

As she walked into AAU, her heart sank, it looked like a bomb had gone off. Raf approached her from the nurses station, looking as bad as the ward. "What on earth is going on?" Serena asked as he reached her. "There was a burst pipe upstairs, and it has brought down some of the celling with a hell of a lot of water. There was no available beds, to transfer patients, so we are working with half the amount of bays, but the same amount of patients, and to top off a faboulas night, we now have 2 F1s off sick with norovirous and 3 nurses on training at St James." Serena took a massive breath before letting out a sigh. "Ok, how Is the bed situation this morning, have we re assessed since the initial incident?" And Serena's day continued as it started in crisis. She worked late to try and get on top of things, managing to discharge a number of patients with district nursing support in the community to allow dressings to checked and the guarantee of continued outpatient review if needed to allow, the ward to look less crammed and in turn supporting the remaining patients comfort and safety.

At 10pm Serena walked back out the hospital, towards her car in the pouring rain. As she sat down in the drivers seat, her mobile lit up and alerted her to an incoming text from Bernie.

 **Bernie:**

"Hey Beautiful,

How was your day?

X"

Serena sighed, she desperately wanted to cry as the exhaustion of the day hitting her. She quickly typed her reply,

 **Serena:**

"Hi B,

Don't ask, awful!

Just out now.

X"

She hit send, threw her phone into her bag and started the engine. As she was driving home, she could hear the buzz of her phone, and then the beep of a missed call, and a minute later another buzz of a text message. Resigning herself that she couldn't check until she got home, Serena continued to drive until she reached her street, parking outside the house, she fumbled in her bag to reach her house keys.

She was met at the door by Jason, who she thought would have been in bed by now, realising quickly, that she hadn't informed him she would be late and he had been sitting waiting in the living room worried. She spent the next 20 minutes explaining in as much detail that her tired brain could manage about the leak in the hospital and the reasons the hospital could be sure patients and staff were safe to continue to work within the effected departments whilst the repair work was on-going. Eventually convincing Jason that he needed to go to bed as he had work early in the morning, she fallowed him up the stairs, shrugging off her hunger as the tiredness consumed her.

As she was changing for bed, she again heard her phone beep, signalling a message and she remember that she hadn't checked who had called her earlier, reached for her phone as she got into bed. She looked down to see 2 missed calls from Bernie and a number of text messages from her.

 **Bernie:**

"Hey,

Call me when you

get home.

Xx"

 **Bernie:**

"Serena,

Are you alright?

Please get back to

me I'm worried about

you.

LY xx"

Serena heart sank, when she realised she had missed a call from Bernie, god how she needed to hear her voice, but it was gone 11pm, and Kiev was 3 hours ahead, she could phone her now.

 **Serena:**

"Hey Bernie.

I'm alright, I've just

Gotten into bed.

Sorry I missed your call.

Miss you.

LY2 x"

She pressed sent, not expecting a reply, before the morning, she was surprised, when her phone started to ring. As she glanced at the phone her heart jumped when Bernie's name popped up.

"Hello"

"Hi, It sounds like you have had a tough day, do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, but I'd love to just chat to you for a bit, if it's not to late"

"You know I'm here for you any time Serena. What do you want to chat about?"

"Anything, everything, I just want to listen to your voice."

Bernie, not one of many words, struggled at first, thinking of a topic, settling on plants of all things. Serena wasn't listening to the content at first, just savouring the sound of Bernie's voice, but as Bernie talked about the varying levels of water needed to hydrate and allow growth, Serena remembered her day and unsurprisingly tears began to fall. Bernie who on the other end of the phone had no knowledge of Serena's day bar her earlier text, asked concerned "Are you ok darling?" Serena's sobs became more frequent "I'm fine, its just today, you know, I could really have done with you on the ward today." Bernie heart broke as listened to Serena tell her about the events of the day, knowing if she hadn't run she would have been there to help her. "I'm sorry Serena" Bernie didn't know what else to say she had caused this, if she had been there Serena would probably not be fallen apart on the phone. Serena's sobs lessened, "Why on earth are you apologising Ms Wolfe?" Bernie stumbled over her words again "well – if I – If I hadn't bugered off to Kiev, I would be there for you, to help you" Serena laughed a little, "but you are helping, you have been sat on the phone to me in the middle of your night, listening to me? Why ever would you think you aren't helping?" Bernie sat in silence for a minute trying to think of her response. "I wish I was there to hold you though, to wipe your tears and tell you it will all be ok". Serena physically ached for the comfort of Bernie. The way she made her feel in a crisis the calm she brought, but mostly she ached for her strong arms around her that she had grown used to in the week before she had left. "I miss you Bern," "I miss you too." Serena yawned as she finished her sentence, a uncontrollable function, that she couldn't hide. Glancing at the clock she could see it was nearly 1am "Maybe I should let you go Bernie, you'll have to get up soon" "Don't worry about me, I'm used to getting by on little sleep, why don't I stay on the phone until you drop off?, I like the sound of you, even if im just listening to you breath" Serena agreed, firstly because she didn't have the energy to protest, but secondly because she found Bernie's voice soothing. "Ok, but I'm probably not going to be much company" she said loosely. Settling her head down on the pillow, she listened to Bernie chat about her day, acknowledging her every now and then as she drifted to sleep.

Bernie sat on her hotel room bed, cross-legged speaking about random stuff, her day, Keiv and her favourite foods, she wasn't sure she helping, but she knew this was the closest she could get to Serena in that moment, and she wouldn't have been anywhere else. Once she was certain Serena had dropped off, she spent the last part of their phone call, to tell her how much she loved every part of her, how she had been attracted to her as soon as they met in the car park and had falling in love with soon after. She told her she planned to spend the rest of her life showing her how she felt and just before she hung up. She said those 3 little words hoping that she would soon have the courage to say it Serena when she was awake in the near future.

"I love you Serena Campbell."


End file.
